2 posts tagged “memories”

I spend too much of my time trying to avoid things, people, and places that make me feel uncomfortable or distressed. I'm not good at shrugging things off. I am the elephant who cannot forget certain memories; memories tucked deeply into the folds of my cerebellum. But I don't know what to do about it. Time heals all wounds, or so I've heard, and I think it's generally true. But what do I do until then--until the day it doesn't hurt anymore? Should I write about these things, on the theory that it's better to draw out bad blood that to let it fester? Or should I keep trying to distract myself with British comedies and endless games of Bejeweled 2?

[What is your earliest memory?]

I wasn't born with a hammer in my hand. It was placed there shortly after my birth by my grandfather, who had died the year before, breaking my mother's heart. My baby fingers had no choice; they curled around it and wouldn't let go.

I was born around lunchtime, and my father wanted to celebrate by getting drunk and seeing his girlfriend, but my sister hid the car keys. He chased her around the dining room table. He chased her all over the house. Finally, she threw the keys at him as hard as she could.

My mother brought me home and promptly fell down the stairs, holding me over her head as she came down, as if I were an offering to the gods. My father lay passed out on the couch. My sturdy teenaged siblings took him elbows and knees and gave him the old heave ho--one, two, threeeeee! He hit hard and slid to the baseboards, but never woke up. We settled into the cushions ever so lightly and I took evaporated milk and Karo syrup from my mother's breast.